Why am I asking this question? Am I really searching for an answer to this or am I asking myself something else. I may perhaps find the answer to this at a later stage if I am able to put my finger on the exact pulse of my wandering thoughts. I might or might not have that “Eureka” moment. Nevertheless,  I intend to try. Women Talk Online reader Rachel Bari writes.
In the course of 50 years of my life, I have had innumerable encounters with very different people- parents, friends, acquaintances, strangers. My emotions in these situations have been lessons and lessons are difficult to unlearn and more so to forget. Not one stage has never been easy. Women today are different- no, that does not seem to be the right way to put it.  Women today think differently: about attitudes, relationships, about people and about what they want in life.

This attitude  has probably dismantled the complacent structure of the society. Not that there are no changes happening in men, but here the equations are different. It is in relationships that the usual imbalance is found. The roles that a woman has to play hamper her thinking in many ways. She is conditioned to think in a particular way about a particular issue. And if she deviates from the prescribed route, society reacts negatively. More importantly, there is a constant war of conflicting thoughts within her. Resolving the issue means deep emotional and
psychological turmoil. Battling the society and her own self is a long ordeal from which she crawls out, either too old or too tired.

The battle has to be continued by somebody else who goes through the same ordeal. The battle for each woman is different and this is perhaps the reason why women do not have any meaningful connection among themselves. Each woman participates in a struggle which gets dissolved in the huge waves of the patriarchal tide.

No more rules

This said, the single woman has the freedom to manoeuvre through such situations, for she is not bound by any of the abstractideas of social rules. She lives by her rules. Her greatest advantage is being single. She is just that, single and not connected to anybody else. Hence her identity is by herself and not through somebody. This gives her the advantage of
not playing by rules framed by someone else. She is in control, the mistress of her destiny. There is no compromise. There is no juggling. Life is easy after that.

Herein lies the single woman’s greatest secret to maintaining relationships. She can draw a line wherever she wants and whenever she wants. Nothing ties her down and nothing prevents her from walking out. There is no guilt about not fulfilling roles and obligations. She is free.

The freedom not to compromise is her greatest strength. Balancing relationships takes a toll on a person’s sanity and serenity. If a woman needs to do it all the time her creativity is compromised. This is also one of the reasons why women are unable to be creative. Take away a woman’s social roles and she can be seen for what she is: an individual with her own aspirations, ambitions and values. She can translate this into art in her own way if she is not burdened by stereotypes.

Author: Rachel Bari

Editor: Manasi Gopalakrishnan

This blog has been contributed by Rachel Bari, a Women Talk Online reader. You can send in your ideas and blogs too. Write to us at womentalk@dw.de.